baby steps

Wow, who would have thought that time would fly that quickly. In the last year I have found myself entirely preocupied with running a household, raising my three kids an my husband and venturing into the "business world" by starting my own business, whilst still doing the admin etc for my hubby.
I found that every time I attempted to sit here and type something, there was never anything positive to say. My kids were driving me balmy, my husband was about to leave me...and still is... and my life was spirally so out of control that I didn't want to end up sounding like a moan a lisa every time a posted on my blog. Needless to say my life is still spiralling out of control, probably more so now than ever.
So where to from here, well as cliche as it sounds, I suppose we could just take one day at a time, baby steps and start over, bitch and moan about the bad times and remember the good times.

Why?

Have you ever wondered why YOU have been chosen to be your husband's spouse and the Mother of that child or those children? Destiny? Why are some people bessed with their families and some cursed (with abusive relastionships, partner or parent)?

I have often wondered why oh why God has allowed me to be a mother and a wife, I don't deserve them and they certainly don't deserve me. It hurts knowing that I'll never be what they need me to be no matter how hard I try. The best intentions are just not good enough. They are just so beautiful and precious and they deserve better.

Comparing to the Jones's

I have a question(beware I am in one of my moods and regrettably, I don't think Scarlet has anything to do with it). When a person is feeling down it is natural (correct me if I'm wrong) to look at the brighter side of other people's lives. I wish I had full time help like so-n-so, I wish I had a car like him, Wouldn't it be great to have the quality of like that that person over there? You know, the general wanting-to-be-like-the-Jones'-thing. I have been told on a number of occasions that it is not right to compare with others; her kids that listen, her husband that helps and is often there, her lovely clean house. You just have to not compare.

Here comes my question; Why is it wrong to compare to others that have more than you? (I'm not talking about jealousy or envy or comparing in an mean spirited way, I'm talking about wanting it in a strive to better the ways your life isn't. Does that make sense?) The moment one starts the proverbial "bitching" about what more they want, there are those "helpful" souls with the best intentions, who are the ones that told you not to compare in the first place, that remind you of how much more you have than others. Isn't this a little contradictory? I may not compare to strive or want more, but I can compare myself to those who have less or are worse off then I am in attempt to make my lot seem rosier.

I'm confused, so I'm just asking.

Could I have some Tomato Sauce with that please?

I must admit, I am a Tomato Sauce (ketchup) girl. I could pretty much add it to any meal before I would consider using another sauce. Macaroni cheese just isn't the same without a dash or rather a dollop of good old tomato sauce. I do however have to draw the line somewhere, I suppose, like today for example; we arrive home from school and fluff requests a peanut butter sandwich, no problem. As I am about to add the finishing touches to the gourmet sarmie, Fluff tells me to add tomato sauce.....huh?

"No, sweetie" I reply, holding down the urge to reflux right at that moment, "Peanut butter and tomato sauce just don't go together."

"O.K." she says, "Can you just put it on the side and I will dip the bread in?"

The urge to gag returns. " Caley girl, please, tomato sauce and peanut butter sarmies just don't go together."

Thank goodness, the conversation did end there and she sauntered off to munch on her lunch.

Although I am quite prepared to give any food item a reason to be enhanced by my favourite condiment, I'm not sure I am going to give this one a try. Excuse me, the urge to gag has returned again.