Above all else

I've sat here a few times in the last week trying to find words to express the way I've been feeling lately and, well, it's been a little too hard. The truth is, the horrible truth, is that my marriage is in serious trouble. I find it really hard to accept that after almost 20 years together it has come to this. One would think that if you have made it this far as a couple then it should be smooth sailing from here on, after all, what more could you go through that hasn't already been tried and tested and boy have we been tried and tested. We always came out on top, but some how, this time it isn't as easy.

I am not going to blame him or accuse him, he has his faults but I am not going to fool anyone by proclaiming to be the perfect wife either, if anything, after reading my posts, you have come to realise that most of me is just downright balmy, intense, anal and at times probably rather annoying. Perhaps those parts of me have become to much for him. Perhaps unconditional love develops conditions and the person you believed to have loved all this time becomes nothing more than an irritation, a burden, who knows.

There are things in my life which I choose not to discuss, perhaps an entry on post secrets would reveal my sadness and pain and rid of it in a web of peoples lies, deceits and deep dark secrets, where it can anonymously slip out of my life and into oblivion. I have no friends to share my pain, this blog is my outlet, my diary, my best friend albeit a quiet, unresponsive, gossip that tells everyone everything, just like people do anyway.

I'm not asking for sympathy, God knows I've contributed to the problems too, I only hope and pray that we can get through this and manage at least convince him that we are worth fighting for.