My split personality

From time to time I sit here (in front of my PC) and think, what do I say? or better yet, how do I say it? I have so many things churning away in my head, at times, like a washing machine, sometimes going slowly, careful making sure each item gets a little soap and softener and then other times it is just spinning so fast that to stop the machine at that moment would completely break the cycle and perhaps a few mechanical parts.

I recently read a fellow blogger's notes that put it all into perspective, something in me awoke and said HELLO!! this is what I am talking about, how did you know?? The song "killing me softly" came to mind. Have you been reading my thoughts and then blogging them on my behalf? OK I think not. So I'll try to explain it as best as I can, keeping my "machine", hopefully, on a constant cycle.

I have a split personality. There I said it. There are officially two people living in my brain.

There is Tanya the go-go-girl, the one who is optimistic and full of gusto and spends her time listing over and over again the tasks that need to be set out for the day, the week, the month..it goes on, she doesn't stop, I must, I must, I must sparkle those toilets today, suck the life out that dust lurking in the *entire house*, sing along with Mr. Muscle and KFM on the kitchen floor, have lunch and supper prepared before anybody gets home, have done all her DARLING husband's admin for the day,have it all neatly and prettily prepared and laid out for him to check when he makes "his arrival", upon which she will meet him at the door, with a loving smile and cheerful school girlish giggle, she will run to him and leap into his arms (hopefully without killing him or crushing him) and inform him with love and lust the he is the best thing that she has seen this ENTIRE day. The children will be happy and smiling, gleaming from their baths, hair neatly combed and tummies filled, she will tuck them all into bed, singing and humming beautiful bed time prayers and songs and they will drift off into slumber land with smiles on their cherub faces and have the sweetest of dreams. She will merrily complete the day's tasks leaving the house sparkling clean and fresh for the new day before ravaging her husband in ways that only she knows how and that he likes best!

Right now Tanya the no-no-girl is trying to step in, she is the one who walks into the house after having dropped the kids off in the morning at school, stands at the front door and thinks "shit, this place is a mess!" Bugger! she forgot to pay the school photo's again, does she HAVE to go and sit on the Computer now and finish all that paper work, trying to ignore the little "launch internet explorer browser" icon calling her from the bottom of the desktop. Trying desperately to keep her mind wondering about what every one has been up to on Facebook.
Coffee, coffee, maybe if she has some coffee, things will look a little clearer, then again, if she doesn't go into the kitchen, she won't be reminded of all the breakfast dishes that still need to be washed and the laundry waiting on the kitchen counter, deliberately left there by go-go-girl in the hope that we would do ironing too this morning. How many hours do I have before I have to pick up Snuggle Bug?

"Yes, I know, I heard her, go-go-girl wants to tackle the kids' rooms before they get home, but the little buggers left the smallest little lego's strewn all over both bedrooms, no-no-girl wonders if the vacuum cleaner is strong enough? maybe they won't notice if the lego tub is only half full this afternoon?? Crap, look at the time! Maybe she could get away with throwing all the toys into the toy box for another time when go-go-girl feels it's time to alphabetize the toys again, that could work. No-no-girl is constantly tired, needing more sleep, coffee, tonics, just to stay awake for the day, never mind tackle all the things that need to be tackled, sometimes she wishes that the tasks were real physical things that she COULD tackle and smack them and say YOU SHIT, you made my day hell today, why couldn't you just stay away.

There are times when go-go-girl and no-no-girl reach a compromise, yes there are those times, strained, awkward and with very little said, they co-operate now and again and meet each other half way. Hopefully like now, with 2 and a half hours and counting before we fetch Snuggle Bug.