Guilt

Yesterday brought on a sampling of what Winter is about to bring; a little rain, clouds and a distinctive chill in the air, which sent me digging into the black, dark hole that is the kid's cupboards, in search of something, not only warm but that still fits.

While dressing up Madam Fluff and Snuggle Bug in their woollies, I noticed that poor Kade didn't have his uniform in it's entirety. We have the suitcase, shorts, shirt, socks, shoes, hat and tracksuit top, but alas not tracksuit pants. Having spent, what is some small developing countries, is considered a fortune already on all the school gear, we decided that the tracksuit pants and raincoat could wait a little while longer. We were saving that purchase for "a rainy day". Well our rainy day snuck upon us and still no tracksuit pants.

Driving in the car on the way to school, it appeared, ZAP, flicker, flicker, zzztt, zzztt, it just appeared from nowhere....a bright, blazing, couldn't miss it if you tried, neon GUILTY light. I kept quiet, my eyes shifty, hoping nobody would the see guilt that just crept into them. I glanced around quickly, looking at Fluff in her jeans, Bug in his tracksuit and me in my long pants and poor Kade with goose-fleshy legs in his shorts. At that stage I realised the heaviness of guilt, it puts a weight on your heart, making it feel like it is going to drop right through your gut into your feet. In an attempt to remove the guilt, I tried to shift it onto the school; I mean is it really MY fault that the clothing shop is only open two days a week? It didn't work very well; guilt just reminded me that the shop was open the day before and had I checked the weather I would have realised that the rainy day purchase was err....NOW...

When we arrived at the school, I noticed quite a lot of children running, happily, (I made myself believe) in shorts and just wearing their warm tops. Hang on, is that a "guilty" neon sign I see flashing above THAT Mother's head, I look again, no, I must be seeing things, or perhaps it is the blinding light of my own neon guilty sign, shining so bright it is reflecting on everything and everyone.

Thankfully, as the day progressed, it gradually got warmer and warmer and my neon guilt light seemed to lose it's spark and fizzle out, the heaviness of my heart seemed to ease up, yet not completely. I scratch around the study, in search of the notice that states the days and times that the clothing shop is open. Found it. Thursday, we'll be there, before they open to purchase the tracksuit pants, Ha Ha, Mother Nature "bring on" your next rainy day.

Until then, I really must find someone, anyone, able to repair this faulty-light-up-at-any-moment-without-warning neon light of mine.